An Epic May 24 Tale... Now With Pictures!

i guess some of you have heard the harrowing tail of the may 24 weekend. it contains plane attacks, terrorism, car crashes, near death experiences and latent homosexuality. If you haven't... gather round, and listen to the tale... now with pictures!

a few of us had decided to take a trip, overseas, to clear our alcohol and school riddled minds. on the way to the airport, disaster struck; we were attacked by a run away jeep. we narrowly survived, but jeremey's car, alas, wasn't so lucky.


after walking for 17 hours towards the toronto airport, i started to notice sheldon, in a way i never noticed him before


then, i noticed jeremey in the same way.

needless to say i had my way with the both of them. sheldon was pleased with this.


finally we had made it, two weeks late for our flight. the good people at air canada squeezed us onto a flight anyways; we were quite happy.

well, everyone was happy except sheldon, who couldn't manage to get service from a flight attendant, no matter how many times he pressed the help button.

the flight was pleasant... at first. we all passed the time with activities we all enjoyed very much; sarah took her hobby of putting herself in tight places and proceeded to climb into the overhead compartment while jeremey hailed a flight attendant so he could hit the sauce.

sheldon quietly entertained himself by reading a copy of aerospace weekly. unfortunately he got confused, due to his strict read only in the washroom policy, and pooped his pants. tia enjoyed said aromas.

tia and i played a rousing round of 'try and look up my nose'.

due to jeremey's excessive 10am drinking binge, his senses had been heightened ten fold. he could tell, disaster was afoot.

'the plane! shes going down!' jeremey exclaimed, and panic ensued.

suddenly, sarah began to dance just as though the fear had been purged from her like a warming colonic. we all inquired why she was so calm in such a harrowing and tragic moment. she then reminded jeremey and i that we were both licensed pilots and we could easily set the plane down ourselves.

jeremey and i rushed to the cockpit and with some careful calculation, assessed our situation.


quite scuccessfully, we culminated our skills and set down the plane. quickly, i noticed the love of my life, tia, had gone missing.

in her seat, there was a note. it was addressed 'to my love, john'. the note explained that she was behind the plane going down, in an attempt to crash it into the west edmonton mall; canada's most prized natural resource. she had fled the plane and commandeered a fighter jet. the woman i loved, was in reality, a terrorist.

jeremey and myself knew what we had to do. we had to shoot, my terrorist soul mate from the sky. one comondered fighter jet and ten thousand feet later, we were hot on tia's jihad-ridden trail. suddenly, tragedy reared its ugly head... jeremey, regrettably, noticed a button. due to his slight mental retardation that pertains to pushing buttons, there was nothing i could do. the button, of course, was the seat ejection button and his simple mind drove his finger straight into the center of it.

i tried! oh god how i tried! but i could only hold onto his hand-me-down american eagle sweater sleeve for so long. my sweaty grip failed, and jeremey plunged to his dark, dreary, bloody, shitty, screaming explodingly doomful doom.

i hope this story, of my may 24 weekend, has dazzled and amazed you. i hope from my sorrow you can find a wealth of entertainment, especially you breanna marsh, you who revels in my anguished despair! i hope... be it only a hope, that my terrorist lady love comes back to me one day. and i hope that sheldon get his pooping every time he reads problem under control.